>> Monday, July 28, 2008

I'm on holidays! Hooray! This is a relief on many levels, not least of which is the fact that there is a serial killer in our office. Seriously. He slithers around the place and talks all monotone. Like, he'll look at you and he's not just mentally undressing you. He's also imagining you without your skin.

Insert full body shudder here. In fact, I'm getting seriously spooked just thinking about it, and I won't even see the creepy freak for two weeks. Oh, and he's completely fixated on my co-worker, Ms Outraged. Poor thing. He was "chatting" to her last week, and here's the subtext:

Lurky McSerialkiller: I like you. You're pretty.
Ms Outraged: You're creepy dude. Fuck off.
Lurky McSerialkiller: No, seriously. You're very pretty. And so is your hair. Your hair is pretty. Shiny!
Ms Outraged: Fuck. Off. Dude. Somebody help me!
Lurky McSerialkiller: Can I have a lock of your hair? It's for the shrine I'm building. It has sketches and stuff from your bin and photos and everything!
Ms Outraged: No, and seriously, fuck off.
Lurky McSerialkiller: Marry me.
Ms Outraged: Fuck off! Fuck off! FUCK OFF INFINITY!!

At which point Ms Hyphenate faked a phone call to rescue the poor thing from his clutches. Shudder. Honestly. I'm afraid that he HAS built a shrine or something, and is planning to abduct her and like, throw her down a well in his basement. Cree. Pee. The whole office is weirded out by him, so can they please GET RID OF HIM ALREADY.

God. GOD.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go and bathe in bleach to rid the crawling feeling just thinking about him causes. And some lye. And some drain cleaner. Because EW!


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