This has just done the rounds of my office - I seriously can't get over the prose here! I'm also thinking that the engagement is off ...
see more Fail Blog
UPDATE: Ohhhh. That makes me feel so much better! Er. Except about the part where the girl got her Facebook account hacked, and is probably dying of embarrassment right now. If it's any consolation to her, at least this website won't be causing much exposure!
Much has been made over the last day or so of the recent incident on Kyle and Jackie O's radio show on 2Day FM, where they hooked a 14 year old girl up to a lie detector and she admitted that she had been raped at the age of 12 - live on air.
Kyle has made his own response here - and I'm sorry, dude, but you're just not cutting it. My problem is this:We check with the mother before hand, and go through the questions they want asked.
Excuse me? What the hell do you think you're doing, asking a 14 year old girl those questions on national radio? Shut the fuck up, idiot.
I'm not a huge fan of the guy, but I manage to avoid exposure to him, so I don't have some kind of raging hate-on for him, but if I were his boss, he'd be needing to update his resume right about now. Of course, if I were his boss, he wouldn't have been running a segment which allowed children to be questioned about their sex lives on live fucking radio.
First Dog on the Moon has summed it up nicely here.
I am still enjoying the Days of Rage (aka the quit smoking project), as at least I have licence to bitch loudly at work and nobody is quite game to tell me off. However, I have discovered an article I do not feel qualified to bitch about, except to say that this cock-smurf might change his tune after he passes a kidney stone the size of a watermelon. The DVD Queen will be there to tell him to push when he does.
Read more...All right, I can't hold it in any longer.
Two things I have noticed during this period of "I'm officially not posting":
1. My readership (or, more realistically, "readership") has increased dramatically. The number of page visits and views has suddenly sky rocketed. So, I have to wonder if people are trying to tell me something - but if it is a matter of people trying to gently hint to me that my blog is lame, well ... surely there would be much less traffic? Plus, I already know that. You people are hurting my brain.
2. When you're not hurting my brain, you're grossing it out. Some of the most common search terms leading people here? NCIS porn. No, really. How the hell do they get here from that? Are my recaps honestly that sizzling??? What the hell??? I'm worried about you people. You shouldn't be trying to picture Gibbs and Tony in a slashfic pairing, okay? Certainly not on this site. It's sick and wrong and not of the Lord.
Although I have to admit, the weirdest search query to bring someone here? "NCIS name of photocopier". Seriously. HEE HEE HEE!!!
People are weird. Really, seriously, insanely weird!!
see more pwn and owned pictures
An example of toasting marshmallows on the banks of Denial...
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Aaaand here's why you should keep your kids and your drug operation separate!
Read more...I LOVE this. Love love love it!
Read more...After listening to [commercial radio station I will not be product placing, since they are not providing me with a fat advertising fee any time soon], I got to thinking about how certain types of music correspond to a certain type of guy. Because I'm lying here bored with a throbbing knee and shredded heels, I have nothing better to do and am feeling bitchy. So there.
So. R'n'B guy. You've got the "sensitive" sounding guy crooning away about how he's so romantic and in loooove and blah blah blah. In the film clip he's usually in some club surrounded by scantily clad babes and mooning over this one particular girl as she dances, or some crap like that. Here's what he wants you to think:
Baby, I'm so soulful and sensitive. I love you! See how I only have eyes for you, and not for any of those other tramps writhing around me? Seriously, I adore you. And I would totally call you the next morning. And I'd cuddle you after. In fact, I'm cool if we just cuddle! Because I respect your feelings! Here, have this teddy bear. It's pink! Gosh, isn't it pretty? Aren't I sweet and romantic? What's that? Oh yeah, punkin. Cuddling. I'm so there! Honest.
And the impression I get? Is this:
I will say anything and act in any way necessary in order to convince you to sleep with me. And I may call you afterwards, just to string you along for a while, but I'm totally not cool with just cuddling, right? Oh, and I'm totally going to bang every skank who hits on me the second your back is turned, until you inevitably find out because I'm not bright enough to cover my tracks, and you'll dump my ass. Then I can write a song about how heartbroken I am, and fool the next poor idiot into sleeping with me to heal my wounds. Awesome!
And then we have rap. Here's what Rap guy wants you to think, as he poses and preens in his film clip with the bikini chicks draping themselves all over him and making sex faces, and guys looking threatening and shit. Oh, and there are often cars:
Dudes. I am so hot. See all these hot bikini babes flocking to me? Yeah. I'm awesome. And I'm fantastic in bed. And rich. Check out my car! And see all those tough looking guys hanging around, giving me props* and those other guys over there who pretend to get in my face, but back down like pussies because me and my crew are so intimidating? Yeah. I'm so awesome. And tough. And look at my bling! I'm loaded! You can't resist me, bitches!
My impression:
I'm pumping myself up to make myself seem manly and tough. But I am in fact incredibly insecure and lame. I'm also terrible in bed. I'd be lucky to last 20 seconds, and I don't know where the clitoris is. And I don't care. And I'll dump you the next day, if not immediately after the deed is done. But I'm hoping that you're impressed by all the babes who are in fact paid to hang with me, so you'll be interested, if only on the off chance expensive gifts might make it worth your while. And those tough guys? I pay them to act like I'm tough and cool. And those guys who got scared off? Just pretending. I paid them too. God, I suck. But if you're dumb enough to go for R'n'B guy, I might just have a shot, right? The car is a rental, by the way.
Jesus. Of course, grunge was all about poor, tortured, angsty guys but at least you KNOW they're all massive sluts - there's just the off chance that you might have one hell of a fun night with them. Just make sure you use protection, because God knows where they've been (cough Courtney Love cough). They're the guys you do after you've gone through R'n'B guy or Rap guy (also known as "valuable educational experiences", and if you had both, you should be beaten violently about the head. That's okay. I'll wait), just for the fun of it.
I could mention Techno guy, but really? Does that need ANY explanation at all?
*Yes, I know. I can't speak "black", or whatever. I'm sorry.
An email from the DVD Queen confirms that the dumb continues:
"You may be amused to find out that [Misguided] had an appointment with a dietician yesterday morning and didn't come in until 9.45. She walked in after lunch today with a plastic bag containing a bottle of coke, a packet of chips, two bags of lollies and a chocolate bar and has been eating her way through everything since she got back. I think we need her dietician!"
Sigh.
The Boy and I visited Services SA yesterday to renew his driver's licence.
I couldn't help but notice the differnce between the one in the CBD and the one down here. In the CBD, there is a ticket machine. You pick what ticket you want and take a seat and wait. The waiting area is filled with suits, well-groomed professionals. Down south, it's like a Centrelink office. Ragged, poorly dressed bogans and girls in their late teens toting babies. Plus, you don't take your own ticket. It seems they don't trust the bogans to operate the machine; there's a door bitch to direct your query and provide you with the appropriate ticket.
For someone who grew up a bogan/white trash, I couldn't help but look askance. These dumbasses couldn't even operate a ticket machine themselves? Jesus. I've turned into a snob. Clearly I spent too many years living in the eastern suburbs.
Criminal stupidity, indeed ...
This guy has taken the prized "Bad Idea Jeans" for this week ... by wearing a "Worlds Greatest Dad" t-shirt to pick up a 14 year old. I feel very, very sorry indeed for his child(ren). And dear Lord, could he look any skeevier??
So, about this guy ... there has been a whole hell of a fuss about him all over the media over the last little while. Frankly, the very sight of the guy creeps me out - he's like a walking stereotype, you could just put his picture up and people would automatically think he's some kind of serial killer or pervet. I really can't fault the people who have been running him off every time the guy moves - I mean, really, even without kids of my own I wouldn't want him living any where near me. Yick. HOWEVER ...
While I think that the Judge in this case has stuffed up badly - as we discovered with Carl Williams in Melbourne, it is in fact possible to get a fair trial, despite negative publicity and the fact that I really do think most people are morons - what he should have done was set the matter down for trial some time down the road - a year, two years, whatever - and slapped a whole bunch of suppression orders on the media. That way the public would have had plenty of time to forget about all the fuss about him before the matter came back to trial.
Also, while I have no doubt it's been said plenty of times - media, if you want to bitch about this case, how about not exacerbating the situation? The Judge canned the case because of publicity; so in what universe do you think that having hysterics and splashing him all over the papers and the nightly news is going to help when it comes to the hearing of the appeal? Huh? Idiots.
I knew it! I knew it, I knew it!
A tiny tidbit story in today's Advertiser says ...
That my dog is not in fact necessarily meaner than your dog:
SMALL dogs, especially dachshunds, are likelier to attack strangers andSo to all those people who automatically assume that my dog is a vicious brute, and their teeny rat-like creature is all sweetness and light, you can just shut the hell up.
other dogs compared with pitbulls, rottweilers and other macho breeds, a
study has found.
US researchers sent questionnaires to the owners of 30 breeds of
dogs to assess how their pet responded to a variety of common stimuli and
situations.
Dachshunds, Chihuahuas and Jack Russell terriers topped the list
for aggressiveness, while Brittany spaniels, greyhounds and whippets were the
most docile.
The study appears in Applied Animal Behaviour Science, a
journal published by the Dutch group Elsevier.
The award for worst idea I've heard this week goes to young lady who is marrying a certified nutjob (so, really, she's all OVER the bad ideas), and who has, according to The DVD Queen, dropped $3,500 on a wedding dress that is 3 sizes too small. Apparently this is going to motivate her to lose weight before her wedding.
Um, honey? That's roughly 30 kilos you gotta drop. And I hear that, while dieting and going to the gym and all that good stuff, you're also regularly noshing on Maccas and chocolate. You do realise that come your wedding, you're going to be REALLY disappointed? No? Well. Don't expect me to tell you. Except for the part where I just did.
This is dumb. And yet wickedly awesome at the same time!
The spam messages warn the recipient that they have been targeted for death - but will be spared if they pay up.
A typical message reads: “Someone paid me to kill you. If you want me to spareThe amount is small enough that, if, for example, I wanted to have a certain crackhead pimp relative of mine killed, I could cough up, say $4,000 – after all, we have to assume that our fake hitman is coming back to the mark and getting them to pay him more not to off them, hence the $5,000 no-kill fee – even in these times of high interest rates and petrol prices. If an average person wants someone dead badly enough, they could totally pay that.
you, I’ll give you two days to pay $5000. If you inform the police or anybody,
you will die, I am monitoring you.”
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